Just when I thought it couldn’t feel any stranger, a rainy/snowy Mother’s Day 7 weeks into quarantine has felt quite odd.
Usually the chaos and pressure of Mother’s Day starts days before..trying to do right by my mom, my grandma, my in-laws, extended family and find the time in between my children’s sporting events to make it all happen....is no small feat. But year after year that’s how I and most moms I know navigate this day.
If I’m being honest it usually feels pretty darn rushed and stressful. Well today broke the Mother’s Day mold.
On this simple rainy/snowy Sunday I found myself having the time to really think about how messy, complicated and beautifully dysfunctional the mom child relationship can be.
Don’t get me wrong, I love and respect these woman greatly but they have loved me differently & I’ve learned different things about being a mother from each of them.
From watching the greatest women I know and now from being a mother myself for almost 14 years. I’ve learned this is no easy gig and we definitely all have our own way of doing it.
From watching my mom, I’ve learned how to really love, like in the midst of a total shit-show...just Love. In the most painful of situations, like sitting side by side saying good bye to my dad when I was a kid...she didn’t know what to say, what to do, how to make it better and either did I...
but she knew how to love me through it, and that’s what she has always done.
She has taught me over and over again, you don’t need the answers, you don’t need to fix it, you just need to be loved through it.
From Grandma Far, I’ve learned the ability to love and nurture my girls without sacrificing who I am in the process. An important lesson that continues to keep me growing and evolving into the woman I am.
From Grandma Near (and yes until I was 11 years old I thought their geographical nicknames were ironically their real last names, that is until an unkind classmate brought the unlikeliness of that to my attention)
But from experiencing Grandma Near’s love, I learned just how easy, simple and safe love can feel. This woman taught me the beauty and importance of family traditions, celebrations and the specialness of a great Chinese restaurant, birthday shopping and gift giving.
This brave woman had to bury her 2 sons and lived through it.
Oh, how I wish I could call her for one last chat❤️
My mother in-law, - Very funny story here, I met my in-laws on Dave and I’s first date. Dave was the Best Man in his best friends wedding and I was his date.
Other than the bride and groom I knew no one and found myself holding someone’s new born baby (who I also did not know:) in the back of the room talking to Dave’s parents most of the night.
Ironically this snowy night is one of my most favorite memories of all time.
This special woman broke the unwritten mother-in-law rule, that no woman is good enough for her son. This mom of 2 boys is my polar opposite in every sense of the word, but she has taught me over and over again how family shows up for you in All circumstances...
And I have taught her words like - organic, non-gmo, and BPA Free.
And though I’m quite sure she thought I was crazy back in my newly motherhood days, she never made me feel it. She has always showed up for me and my girls in every way.
These special mothers are not perfect, nor am I...but I’ve learned that we don’t need to be. There is no perfect mom. There is no “right way” of parenting or “right way “ to love your children.
These woman have all loved me and my children differently...in the way they know how...and that has always been enough.
In the best, hardest and ugliest of motherhood days, there is one thing I know as Truth...We are ALL doing the best we can with what we know. Even if it looks different, the more people that love and support you and your children the better off everyone is❤️
And from the bottom of my heart, I ache for those that have lost children, those that have lost mothers, those with strained relationships b/w mothers & children, those who have chosen to not be mothers and those yearning to be moms...my heart is with you, I feel your pain and I hope you feel loved, supported and seen, b/c you are Not alone, you are never alone.